The Ramblings of Tea.....

You know, some days....
I want to be able to talk. 
And I need someone to listen!
I need someone to know what I'm feeling and HOW  I'm feeling, and maybe even why I'm feeling that way!
I need someone to care. 
Not pretend they care, not give me their advice, not ask me all their questions to fullfill a deeper subject or cause a debate.
I want them to care...about what I have to say.

I want to be able to cry.... which, I have done my fair share of lately!
Crying for no particular reason at times.
Crying because I'm sad.....lonely.....stressed....happy !
I don't want sympathy.  I just want to cry.

I want life to come easy.
Not always... just some days.
I want to not have to make life-altering decisions, not knowing fully how it is going to affect my life and the life of my family.  I don't like that job!
Sadly, this is one thing I have had the opportunity to do this past couple of days. 
You see... our dream job is a ranch job. I was raised on a ranch and miss that life. ALOT! We have our little farm here of our own, but I sometimes have a difficult time in the community we live in. To me, living here is stressful and fills me full of anxiety. 
Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing friends, as do the kids and Mike.
I just have this personality that forces me to hide so I don't hurt someone when I'm being bothered. True.
I'm not mean, just honest.
Sometimes, to those that may not agree with me, I may come across as harsh. Sorry.
Of course, if these people tried to get to know me, they would realize I am a very caring,loving, thoughtful and fun person...and, I can even crack a joke every now and again! You'd be surprised how witty I can be:)
Well, we came to the realization that because this said "ranch job"was not a good fit for us, we were going to make some other changes to perhaps...SIMPLIFY our lives.
To become happier by changing the things that make us uncomfortable or unhappy. 
Well folks?!  This is going to be done! 

We are simplifying... We are cutting back greatly! No more chickens!  No more pigeons! Cutting the number of dogs.  Cutting the cost of feed and the time it takes to chore around here!

I want to have fun! I want to enjoy going somewhere without the worry of hurrying home to feed! And it seems that when I'm tied down and can't leave, it's when I want to leave the most!

I have two major goals this year.  And no matter where I am, nothing is going to stop me from achieving these goals.  They are important to me! 

They are close to my heart!

Thinking about accomplishing these goals makes me a happy person!

Goal Number One:
I want to continue with my weight loss and stay healthy.  I am ten pounds from my final goal. 
I will do this by:
Eating healthy, smaller food portions
Taking ACE on a regular basis for energy and appetite control
Running

I started the Couch to 5k program last year and failed....miserably.  I gave up! I got too busy!  This year... no excuses!  I want to run with my friends, my ipod, my daughter, and even Mike if he'd go along!  I want to be a runner!

Goal Number Two:
I WILL FINISH MY COOKBOOK!!! 
I started the cookbook several years ago... my computer crashed and I lost it! EVERY.SINGLE. WORD.OF.EVERY.SINGE.PAGE.OF.IT..ALL.120.PAGES!
I will save every single thing on a thumb drive that hangs so neatly from it's hook.
I will take pictures of every item I cook and bake so that people can have something to look at besides recipes.  {i am a fan of picture books myself}
I will publish my cookbook... even if I have to publish it myself!  It will be published!

So there you have it!

I have rambled on until I'm sure you're yawning. Once again, I'm sorry!  Not my intention at all to make you yawn.... and please! Don't send hate mail!

Because then... my next post will be on crying.... again!

And wouldn't you all rather a recipe?

Thanks for listening my friends!

I feel much better!

Now on to baking!

Love,

Teauna